Do you remember who you were before this? Before anger shared the vein pathways within this form. Before these sea-blue eyes only fill with shadows of resentment. Before your chest was tight with unsaid words and unrequited love. Do you remember happiness? Do you remember anything besides this cage?
Do you ever want to write a farewell letter to everyone you have ever known? Telling them all the things you never did or all the things you never could. But the finality of never seeing them again giving your pen courage and your heart explodes – pouring out everything within it. Letting it all go.
Do you ever want to pack your bags and with nothing more than the moon as your friend find another way? Walk in the opposite direction and never look back. To sail and fly and walk as far as you can into the wilderness and close your eyes wishing for anything to bring the feeling back.
Because nothing you’ve known so far has been even a watermark of the life you dreamed. Of the places you wished to visit, the loves you wished to have – everything has been a mockery of your heart. Do you ever want to wander till you finally find a place of honour, a place where your weary soul finally finds a companion, a matching belief, a safe harbour. Something real.
I’m unsure if I am already too far gone. Already too seeped in hate and mistrust to ever see the sunrise in the same way. Too scarred and broken to every let my heart swell so much with beauty and love that there is physical aching in my chest. Too lost and lonely to be loved and trust the hands that reach out. Too damaged.
Maybe it’s too late, but maybe I can still remember a little bit, for a little while, who I was before… before the world broke me.
By Kate Thorn